Y’all. I sit here and type this post a bit weary and worn, cause I swear fo cheese and crackers that I started typing my re-entrance to social media post yesterday and today I got to the computer – AND IT WAS GONE! Absolutely, completely, and wholly obliterated. I didn’t save it, my computer didn’t do one of those automatic save moves, I didn’t email it to myself. I didn’t do nothing! Double negative intended! I don’t know what the freak I was thinking when I got up from my computer after typing such an engaging, witty, and Kim-ish introduction. Well, I guess I wasn’t thinking cause, It’s gone.
Let’s pick up the pieces and begin again with an abbreviated version.
First things first. Thanks to those who missed my beaming self and in-boxed, sent a text, called. That means a lot. Really. It does.
Next, let’s move this thing along. I originally halted social media for the sake of Madison. During Christmas break I saw how much time she spent on that darn phone. On the Gram. Snapchattin it up. Plus she has a Tumblr page. So I was all like, Maddie, baby, that phone will not be your reality. Let’s take some time away. And I kid y’all not. A few hours ago, I was eating lunch in my office with a couple of the brilliant social work students. We talked about everything from Beyonce to skewed statistics due to underreported crimes in more affluent neighborhoods…you know, your everyday, run of the mill, black girl excellence conversations. At some point between couture, culture, and criminology, we happened upon teens and who they are around their parents vs. who they are on social media. Don’t quote me on this, but I think one of the students mentioned a study where parents were given access to their child’s phone. The reaction of the parents: This is not my child. This is not the same child I see and talk to everyday.
Anyway, Maddie understands that at any time I will check her social media self. She tells me I’m the only parent that does that. I know that’s some bull. I trust Maddie, but I need her to know that I know the game. We have an understanding that in order to protect her, and to better school her in this fast-evolving world of social media, and social media persona, I need to keep up with the game. So yea, that fast lasted 3-4 days. I allowed her to check her phone at certain times. I did the same. I enjoyed that 3 or 4 days without social media. It dwindled down to me checking my pages, but not posting. And I eventually completely halted to not clicking the apps at all, unless it was a mistake.
Now, the fast was intentional at first. Then, putting my health as a priority really pushed me to understand that my social connections will never be as important as my physical health. Now, let’s rest a bit on the topic of my health, but first let’s back-track a bit.
Early November, I experienced three psychic seizures in one day. I kid you not, psychic seizures. My then neurologist (yep, I had to see a neurologist) told me the term. I thought they were just intense déjà vu moments. I had them earlier in 2015, but really never thought anything of them, because they weren’t frequent enough for me to really pay attention. Then about mid-November, I developed this buzz around my temple that morphed into numbness on the left side of my face. Then in late December, I started to get these random, sharp, and dull pains everywhere from my jaw to my toes. Then sore arms and legs, where it felt like I had been lifting weights and working out all day. Working out is nothing new to me, cause I had been consistently working out all of 2015. But I rarely lift weights, and my workouts hadn’t changed much, so why this soreness all of a sudden? The pain was so bad a couple of days in January that I could barely move to get out of the bed. It was realer than real deal Holyfield (snoop dog reference).
I went to see one neurologist and I could tell from my first two visits with him that his plan was to medicate me to health or death, whichever came first. But anyone who knows me knows that I DO NOT TAKE PILLS. One, because I’m afraid to choke on them. Two, because I’ve never been so sick that I’ve had to take a prescription medication. And three, from the commercials I watch, the side effects just don’t align with the benefits. But the pain is real, and without them I can barely deal.
Back to my absence from social media.
- Before all of this, I considered myself to be in good physical health, despite my curvy frame, thick thighs, and ample bottom. The latter part of 2015 I was in the perfect mental state to will myself to lose 12 pounds through good eating habits and exercise. Even as I type this I’m thinking about twice baked spaghetti squash. And to go from this work-out 5 times a week Willenda, to this barely able to move Betty, just took me back 20 steps.
- My business partner and I were planning to launch our project this month, but the past few months have been a whirlwind for me. But God showed up strong in that decision, cause some weeks after I told her I’d rather we wait for the release, she called me with her whirlwind news. All things in God’s timing and not a second sooner.
- I have spent more money on my medical bills in two months than I’ve spent in the past 4 years total.
- Another of my symptoms is chronic fatigue, and fatigue from not getting good sleep. I’ve been so tired that I’ve been getting in the bed at 8 and 9. Me, Kim, the urban socialite.
So, yea. I haven’t been much up to connecting with people on social media, cause I needed to connect with the realness of my situation. A realness that caught me by total surprise.
Now let’s talk about where I am now. I’m now seeing a neurosurgeon who has me keeping a diary of my symptoms. He suggested I decrease caffeine, gluten, and high fructose corn syrup. And he noted a counselor may be necessary to identify any underlying stress that could exacerbate my symptoms. I’m on my fourth medication and so far this one has been the most cooperative, and by that I mean the benefits outweigh the side effects. I go for more testing in March, but so far, I don’t know what’s going on or why. I just know that my body is telling me something and I need to listen. I still workout when I have the energy, matter of fact, today was my first day working out without the aid of caffeine (I used to rely on coffee to boost my workout).
Before I end this post I must give the ultimate prop to anyone on medication and managing through the side effects. Y’all the real MVPs.
Anyway, on my hiatus and in my whirlwind, I discovered something. My life will look different in 2016. Stay tuned!
Oh, through it all, I’m still cute. And I stay fresh. On most days.
I’ve been keeping a sew-in until my hair is long enough for braids.
I took this picture a few weeks ago after my workout in the gym. I’m so serious about my health, I get ready for the office in the gym shower rooms. No excuses.
Well, I thought this was going to be an abbreviated version of the post I started yesterday. Oh well. And excuse any typos or misspellings in this post. Charge it to the meds, and to the fact that it’s my bedtime. The ramblings though, they’re all me.