The fact of the matter is…
I’m over weight. Not as in weighing a lot of pounds for my height, but as in, I’m so totally over it. I’ve struggled with my weight ever since I was in the 3rd grade. I take that back, I started to gain weight when I was in the 3rd grade. I didn’t struggle with the whole idea of wanting to get rid of the excess weight until I was good and grown. I don’t remember being excessively teased for being overweight. I’m sure I coped with any teasing by considering how ugly the kids were who teased me…and thinking, “ok, I’m fat, but you’re ugly.” Plus, I hardly ever allowed my weight to stop me from doing much. In high school I campaigned and was voted Miss Senior, and I was at my heaviest in high school, a size 24, y’all.
So I’m still good and grown, and I still struggle with getting rid of excess weight. But since I’ve been able to successfully move from a size 24 to a 16 and stay there for 13 years or so, I understand that it’s no longer the idea of losing weight that baffles me, it’s the process. Because that’s exactly what it is, a gosh darn P.R.O.C.E.S.S. Processes have cycles, right? Cycles don’t have an overnight turnaround. Successful cycles depend upon the synergy of every component. Successful cycles are dependent upon every component being in the right place, at the right time, and in correct and outstanding working order, right?
That’s where I have failed at any attempts at moving from this size 16. When components fell out of place and circuits went haywire, I abruptly ended the cycle, thus terminating the process. That’s what happened with this new health scare (see my previous blog post). Then add body aches, body pains, and body soreness, multiply appetite-increasing and water-retaining meds, compound the sleepless nights, and quantify the comfort foods…and you get a complete system melt-down. Over the course of November and December of 2015, I lost 12 pounds, because everything was lining up just right. Enter health scare…within a 2 week period in January, I gained 6 pounds back!!!!!
NOW I can say confidently that it’s all good. But A FEW WEEKS AGO I was like, it’s all bad. I recognized that I was slick becoming this woe is me character. I mean, that was alright for a hot second and from time to time I allow myself to waddle in my woes, but then I snap out of it when I realize the cycle can’t stop, or else all things will fall apart.
Ok, weight, you got that? You have no choice but to flee now, cause I recognize that I’ve been in this size 16 for what seems like the longest time because I’ve allowed instances, happenstances, moments, and happenings to keep you here. I realize that I practically welcomed you to set-up shop in my residence. I’m over you now. I stand above you. You are under my feet. And I’m pleased to announce that I lost a bit of you this week. And that’s all because I kept the cycle going, in spite of it all. I’m looking forward to losing more of you. It took a while for you to move all your belongings in, so I suspect it will take a while for you to move them all out. But I’ll be patient, until the process is complete.